At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
