I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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