Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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