well I can't set my house on fire every night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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