you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
