I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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