When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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