You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
