i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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