What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
