You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
