I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
