I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
