Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you never un-have a 4some
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
