i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
