is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
