If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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