I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
