you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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