I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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