Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
