You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
