4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we have officially lost it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
