Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
