Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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