her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
