The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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