At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
