You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize