We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
foreskin is a definite game changer
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
