in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
