My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
