his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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