Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
