U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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