I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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