I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
