Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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