if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
