maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize