I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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