She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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