69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
