Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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