I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
