can we get nightvision for the apartment?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
