he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
