Screwed.edu
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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