Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
