Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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