I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
