I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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