one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
