We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was CRYING into my vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
