when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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