Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
