I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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