Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
