I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
