Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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