Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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