even my farts smell like vagina
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
