so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We left the knife in your bed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
