You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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