I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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