Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
