I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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