You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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