We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
