Sponge bath it is.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
