Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize