I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
