Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
