If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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