Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
